I've Moved Domains!

To all my wonderful readers: I have moved! You can now follow me at www.eyesofagypsy.wordpress.com 

See you there soon :) xo

♥ DanielleCrowe

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When I Grow Up...

They say love stinks, and I'm so in love I probably smell like a butt convention...

I've been a train wreck of emotions lately. For like the last few months. After deciding that school wasn't the avenue I wanted my life to take, I was preparing to settle in and settle down. I was finishing up with my business diploma, I was happy at work, and I was beginning to look for a place to live with my boyfriend.

Then I snapped.

I became very aware that I didn't have a hobby. I didn't have my horse-filled escape from reality and my passion for everything equine. My days were spent going to work and coming home. I would literally be waiting around in the evenings until it was time to go to bed. I was miserable. Instead of going out with friends, laughing and having fun with my boyfriend, excelling at work as a recent business graduate, and sucking it up and going to the barn regardless of the fact that I no longer had a horse of my own, I instead became obsessed with working out to the point that I was exhausted and I was so unhappy that I wasn't eating properly.

Deja vu?

I was cranky and tired, I looked like a malnourished child, and I knew I needed to make a change. I began to look back on my life and the thing that has consistently made me happy.

Horses. Could you guess?

I knew I needed them back in my life and I made the choice to totally uproot my life and everything I'd been building and totally sacrifice it all for the chance to work with them again.

Deja vu? Again.

I was at the point where I was actually willing to sacrifice my finances, my freedom, my living arrangements, and much more for the opportunity to have horses as my career again. Sometimes I wonder what goes on in this simple head of mine, because I already know from personal experience that it's not a good idea. I remember how broke I was, how lonely I was, and how upset I was that since horses were my job, I began to lack my passion for them. They were no longer fun, and they were no longer my escape. Do I really want to go back to that? Not really.

I have since realized that it's time to become an adult. Yes, I've said it. It's time that I, Danielle Crowe, become an adult. I can still be a horse-riding gypsy soul that has a career and a boyfriend and a place in my hometown, without having to constantly be shaking things up, being a broke-ass mother-f***er, and hurting people in the meantime. I CAN have my cake and eat it too. I CAN have a full-time job that pays my bills (with a little extra on the side), and I CAN have horses in my life as well. It doesn't have to be one or the other. I am in charge of my life and if I want to be a superwoman then I damn well can be.

Cue Alicia Keys song here.

I guess the main thing that made me come back down to earth was when my parents went away for a week and my boyfriend came to stay with me. God I loved waking up to him every morning, coming home from work to him, cooking supper together, and falling asleep in each others arms. And to be totally honest, it scared the crap out of me that for the first time in my life I've met someone who has made me not want to keep running. Who makes me want to be the best version of myself instead of someone who is constantly stirring up the pot. I don't want to uproot everything and move to a different part of the province; away from him. I have pretty much the most amazing boyfriend on the amazing boyfriend scale, and I have been so selfish towards him. I am, in my opinion, the world's luckiest girl, and I have nothing but gratefulness and appreciation towards him for putting up with my ridiculousness this past while.

I'd be an idiot to leave this.

I'm still going to be selfish though, and I hopefully always will be. But in a different way. I'm not going to continue this relationship-straining and essentially self-sabotaging lifestyle, but I'm still going to have the parts of my life that make me, well, me. Not only will I be a girlfriend, and a career woman, but I will be a part-time equestrian and I will always have the parts of my life (like my friends, my family, my job, traveling, writing, shopping, etc.) that are unique to me. I CAN love another fully, excel as an outstanding employee, have financial and life freedom, and stink like hay and poo during my spare time.

And I will. Mark my words.

♥ DanielleCrowe

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Hasn't Hit Me Yet...

Sunday evening was my last time catching Darby in the field as he went to his new home yesterday. I went to visit him last night and I couldn't be happier to say the least, as he has an amazing new home with a wonderful owner and caregiver; however, no matter where he went, I knew I was going to miss that horse like crazy. It tore me up inside when I said good-bye and walked away, only to look back and see him following my every move with those loving eyes. Man, I'm going to miss that horse.

Cape Breton Highlands ♥

Saturday morning was the start to a second awesome weekend spent in Cape Breton driving through the Highlands, we saw ridiculously gorgeous fall colors from mountain views, allowed a lady-moose to cross our path, stayed at the same lovely hotel (but this time we got the ocean view room!), and indulged in food that was much better than simply Tricuits, chips and hot dogs/tofu dogs - which were the meals of the last trip. We visited beaches, one of us fell in the water... (ha-ha-ha), and we walked a bog-side boardwalk. I love my boyfriend and I love our trips ♥



Above: It is such a nice, floating trot! - I wanted to ride it...
Below: The view from our hotel room :)

Coming home on Sunday evening I went straight to the barn to spend some time with my horse before he left. He of course didn't understand and acted like nothing was going to change while I cried into his neck. Instead he simply looked at me with an expression that said "why are you making those strange noises, little two-legged creature?" I love my horse. Darby is one of those once-in-a-lifetime horses in my opinion, although as my coach reminds me "there will always be other horses" and I know I need to focus on making a life for myself instead of simply loving an animal that takes all of my money. Darby is a rare find, and his new owner is so very lucky to have him enter her life.

 

It hasn't hit me yet, that's for sure. Although I've spontaneously cried at random moments throughout the past few days, I know it hasn't hit me yet. And it will. And it will suck.

DanielleCrowe ♥

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